Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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