made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
