Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
