I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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