tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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