He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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