my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
