Kiss
Puke
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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