it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
