drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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