We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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