I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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