Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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