Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
