if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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