Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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