so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
