Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
