I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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