Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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