i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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