Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
