Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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