Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
