i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
