There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
