my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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