At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
