I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she pinky promised me she was 18
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
