Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize