She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
