I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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