My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
