All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
