Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
