...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
