I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
