Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
