a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
