uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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