Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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