Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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