It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
