I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
