You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
