Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
