Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
