dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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