I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
