I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Farmville is her only friend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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