fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
