I think I am morally bankrupt
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize