Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
