These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
