i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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