pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
