Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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