ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
