Please, let me fuck your mom
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dick very happy bro
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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