I'm lost and stupid without you.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Apparently you make a good broom.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
