She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize