I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
