She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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