Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
