you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
