wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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