Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
