i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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