Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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