Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
