i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
