We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I need moral support for this bender
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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