You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just pee around me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
