i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize