God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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