she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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