You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
