What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
