Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize