I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
