I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Quick, to the slutcave!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
