We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We left an ass print on the piano.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
