Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
