Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
