fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can Purell be used as lube?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
