smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
