New low: just hacked my moms facebook
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
