If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
