I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
